Duncan Begins Preparing Unlucky Explanation Three Days Before Potential Defeat
Bucky Irving’s 31.50 points trigger early preparations at the league’s busiest Department of Unfortunate Circumstances.
Duncan remains the favourite to win his Week 5 matchup. Preparations for explaining why he didn’t are nevertheless well ahead of schedule.
The manager of Sniff Coker off my Brock entered Thursday with a 71% chance of beating Cory. Then Bucky Irving scored 31.50 points, reducing that figure to 61% and giving Duncan the entire weekend to decide which screenshot best communicates that none of this is his fault.
At press time, his team remained projected to win 143.20–128.53. This leaves him in the uncomfortable position of having every opportunity to succeed and absolutely no intention of accepting responsibility if he doesn’t.
The contingency planning follows last week’s 185.80–165.18 loss to Ashley, when Duncan produced the third-highest score of the week and received the same number of wins as Sean.
Zero.
Duncan subsequently submitted a standings screenshot to the group chat, accompanied by his actual assessment:
“Some bad luck when you look at the points for & against.”DUNCAN · ACTUAL GROUP-CHAT MESSAGE, OCTOBER 6
It was a strong opening statement in the ongoing case of Duncan v. The Concept of Head-to-Head Competition.
To be fair, the evidence supports him. Through four weeks, Duncan had scored 590.48 points, third-most in the league, while opponents had put up a league-high 668.80 against him.
This publication acknowledges those facts and has elected to continue making fun of him anyway.
His record remains 1–3. The Commissioner’s record remains 2–2. No additional mathematics have been requested.
Thursday introduced a particularly concerning development: Cory still has an empty defence slot.
Duncan’s opponent has therefore opened a 31.50-point lead while leaving part of his team unstaffed. Cory may yet improve his projection through the advanced managerial technique of employing a defence.
For Duncan, this creates several possible explanations to have ready by Sunday: another opponent having the week of his life, the fundamentally unjust schedule, or the growing suspicion that the Commissioner personally taught Bucky Irving how to run.
A victory would move Duncan to 2–3 and briefly restore his interest in the actual standings. A defeat would drop him to 1–4 and likely produce the first group-chat attachment requiring a table of contents.
The Commissioner’s Office is ready for either outcome.
Wins will continue to be recorded in the win column. Supporting documentation will continue to be ignored.
Duncan is still favoured. His appeal is already in excellent shape.
Matchup scores, projections and lineup status are a snapshot from the October 8 post-game recording. Season totals are through Week 4. The department, preparations and imagined explanations are satire.